


Breathing Properly

by Diary



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Crossover, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Friends Become Romantic Partners, Getting Together, Handcuffs, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov's Arrow Necklace, Natasha Romanov-centric, POV Multiple, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6591880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha struggles with her feelings for Clint after she releases her file to the world, and in response, Bruce is both kind and cruel. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Properly

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Marvel.

However Banner feels about her hanging out in his lab in Stark’s towers on an almost daily basis for hours at a time, he never says anything about it.

Occasionally, he’ll send her to the observation room or ask her to hand him a tool, but otherwise, he simply ignores her presence.

Clint has gotten to where he doesn’t talk to her much anymore, and she knows this is on her. He’s tried and tried to spend downtime with her like they used to, and she’s the one who’s been withdrawing.

One day, Banner casually comments, “I heard Hawkeye has a date.”

She nods. “I hope it goes well for him.”

“That why you’ve been in here for almost two months?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Do you ever feel guilty about the destruction and deaths the Hulk has caused?”

“Every second of every day,” he answers.

“I finally felt like I could breathe,” she finds herself telling him. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel clean, but when I released those files to the world, about Hydra, S.H.I.E.L.D, and my past, I was truly free. Whatever happened, whatever the consequences- In some ways, it could never be used against me, because, I told on myself. There was no more threat. I didn’t have to be anyone but me, and as scary as that was, it was freeing.”

“I understand,” he says.

“I don’t know if he’s ever read them or not. I know, to him, it wouldn’t matter if he did. If I tried to explain- he’d bring up Loki and the fact we’re both assassins.  But it’s different in a way I can’t put in words.”

“Yes, you can,” Banners says. “However, I’m going to try to be kind, now: You don’t live in the past. You did regretful things, you’ve tried to make up for them as best you can, some part of you is always going to carry a certain amount of guilt and hopelessness around, but you live life. You try to be happy and have fun. Right?”

“Right,” she confirms.

“He might not make you feel clean, but he makes you so happy, you find it easier than ever to focus on your happiness than the other. Sometimes, you can almost forget it. Now that you can breathe properly, you’re afraid when it comes to him. Want to tell me why?”

“He’s too good for me,” she blurts out. “What all he’s done is very different than what I have. I don’t deserve the happiness he could give me. If he was even willing to give it to me, that is. Reading it, he could still work with me and be my friend. I don’t know whether he’d want to touch me. I’ve been his partner for over a decade. Almost two. You aren’t the only one, doctor, who can see how I feel about him. I kept it under wraps, because, I wasn’t willing to let him know every single despicable thing I’ve ever done. And I wasn’t going to risk him being willing to touch me, and then, finding out and- We both deserved better than that.”

She swats at the robot playing with her hair.

Something flies through the air, and by the time she realises it’s her arrow necklace, Banner has locked it in a safe.

“Oh, sorry,” he says. “I probably should have warned you I wasn’t going to keep being kind. Suddenly feeling the disorienting yet familiar sensation of restricted airflow? You know where to find the cure. You’re not getting your palliative back until it stops being that.”

The anger simmering inside is no match for her absolute surety she can never afford to go against the Hulk unless utterly dire circumstances require it.

“Dr Banner-”

“You’re not going to sweet talk or reason with me,” he dispassionately informs her. “You’re welcome to keep coming here, Agent Romanov, but if you cause any problems with my research or just the lab in general, I’m having Tony revoke your access to both it and the towers.”

She expresses her bitter anger in Russian.

He simply continues working.

…

After two weeks, she’s forced to concede Stark truly deserves all the praise he gets for his genius.

Nothing is unhackable, but the safe has yet to cross into the hackable category, and the safeguards in place to keep it in the lab are numerous and incredibly complex.

…

She wakes up from nightmares with her hand curled against her throat and considers telling Banner, but the truth is, he doesn’t care if she or her work suffers.

This is neither kindness nor cruelty on his part, but what exactly it is, she isn’t sure.

…

At the animal shelter he volunteers at, Clint is coaxing a raven into drinking some water. “That’s it, darling,” he mutters. “It’s alright.”

Once the raven has been put back in its cage, Natasha comments, “I heard you and Cindy didn’t work out.”

“Tasha!” Grinning, he bounces up. “No, it was never serious. You here on business or pleasure, darling?”

She decides to go with, “I’m here as a friend.”

He leads her outside to a bench.

A nearby tomcat gives them an offended look before stretching back out and falling asleep in a patch of sunlight.

“What’s going on, Tash?”

“Did you read my file? The unredacted one?”

“No,” he answers. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d want me to or not, and lately- there hasn’t been a good time to ask.”

Don’t do that, she almost says. Don’t be diplomatic about the fact I’ve been actively avoiding you.

“I want you to read it.”

“You sure?”

Nodding, she rubs her shoulder against his. “Yes, I’m sure.”

…

He comes by her apartment.

They sit down on the couch, and she asks, “Did you read it?”

“Yeah.” Reaching over, he takes her hand. “Is there anything in particular you’re expecting, Nat? ‘Cause, I already knew or guessed at most of it. I thought you might have been avoiding me because of New York. Is this why?”

His warm, calloused hand wrapped gently around hers makes the urge she’s constantly fighting to kiss him almost impossible to contain.

“I wouldn’t avoid you because of Loki,” she manages to say. “You know that. Or you should.”

“I know you, Tasha, but in some ways, I don’t really know you.”

“I wasn’t just an assassin for a different side,” she says.

She feels him shrug. “You’re my best friend and my partner, now. Once upon a time, we were both just another assassin on different sides to one another.”

“Just a minute,” she tells him.

She comes back with a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold. “Indulge me?”

Aside from looking vaguely curious, he simply nods. “You or me?”

“You,” she answers.

She handcuffs one wrist to the coffee table leg and hesitates when it comes to the blindfold.

“If I’m right about having the feeling this is about something you want or need to say, Tasha, trust me, you saying it or signing it is going to be the same in the end.”

She slips the blindfold over his eyes.

Moving away, she simply takes him in for a moment.

“I love you, Clint. And before you say you love me back, I don’t mean just as a friend or a partner or anything else. I- if this isn’t being in love, I don’t think I’ll ever know what that is.”

Hating her cowardice, she slips out of her window and makes a run for it with the handcuff keys still in her pocket.

…

Eventually, he finds her in Steve’s apartment.

“Cap. here?”

“He’s on assignment.”

He holds up the handcuffs.

Sighing, she tosses him the keys and positions her wrist near the coffee table leg.

She doesn’t protest when he raises her arm up, snaps the cuffs over her wrist, moves her arm behind her back, then the other one, and handcuffs both. When he eases her stomach down on the couch, she goes easily, and when he picks up her legs, sets them on his lap, slides a pillow under her chin, and places one hand on the small of her back, she closes her eyes.

If she wanted to get free, she could, but if he were to move his hand downward or slip it underneath, between her and the couch, and move it either up or down, he’d control how he touched her and how much pleasure she was allowed to receive.

“What made you decide to tell me now?”

While she considers her answer, she feels him gently tapping and moving his fingers against her back.

“My necklace is gone,” she finally admits. “I’m not going to get into the circumstances involved in that happening, but as long as I had it, part of you belonged to me. Part of me has belonged to you since the second you lowered that arrow. When my file came out, when I put it out, I was able to breathe in a way I don’t remember ever being able to. Somewhat literally, my breathing patterns changed, Clint. It was scary, exhilarating, wonderful, and part of it hurt. Part of me wanted to go back.”

“When the necklace- suddenly, it was back to like before, and once I knew better, I couldn’t readjust to having less. If you have to hurt me, I understand. Absolutely everything is out, and if you need to hurt me, I’ll cling to my freedom, give you yours, and be okay. I promise you, I will. Just, please, be quick and blunt. It’ll only hurt more in the long run if you don’t.”

Feeling him going for the handcuffs, she says, “No. Whatever it is, this is how I need to hear it.”

He settles the handcuffs back on top of her back but links his fingers through hers.

She wraps the fingers on her other hand around his hand as best she can.

“I believe you, Nat, but some part of me finds it hard to believe. God, Natasha, I’ve been completely in love with you for years. I sucked it up. We were great partners, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and of course, the idea of you ever feeling the same way was absolutely, completely ridiculous.”

Since she probably can’t kick him properly from this position, she asks, “Can I kiss you, now? Will you kiss me?”

…  

He and Tash go over to Stark Towers to have dinner with Tony, Pepper, and Bruce one night, and he notices how much she seems to genuinely want to kill the doc.

“Hey, you okay? I thought things were better between you two.”

“He’s the reason my necklace is gone,” she whispers.

“Oh."

If Nat weren’t genuinely scared of the Hulk in a way she’s never been scared of anything- he doesn’t want her scared, but he’s relieved he isn’t going to have to have an argument over _we don’t torture and/or kill people without it being a case of literally saving the world, especially our teammates_.

“But in some ways, it’s okay,” she continues. Giving him a small smile, she leans over to kiss him. Then, she murmurs into his ear, “I’m not willing to do it outside, but if you want to slip into the astronomy wing with me, we can have Jarvis open the moon roof and make love under the stars.”

“God, I love you so much,” he declares.

She grins. “That a yes?”

“Yes, please,” he agrees.

Unfortunately, Pepper sees them trying to edge towards the door and, probably assuming they’re trying to leave due to boredom, drags Natasha off to go test out some new weapons on Tony.

She gives him an apologetic look, and he assures her, “Go have a blast, darling.”

He and Bruce have a silent drink together, and then, Bruce abruptly breaks the silence with, “I’m glad you came tonight. Uh-” He digs something out of his pocket and tosses it over. “Do me a favour and return that to Agent Romanov.”

Opening the pouch and tipping it over his hand, his breath catches when he sees Tasha’s necklace. “You found it. Thanks, doc. You have no idea how happy this is going to make her.”

Bruce nods.

“Hey, what’s the story? What happened to it?”

“It’s complicated,” Bruce answers. “If she ever tells you, you and I will probably need to have a talk, then. For now, sorry to be rude, but I really need to get back to the lab.”

Clint nods. “No problem. Have a good night.”

“You, too.” Bruce hesitates for a moment. “Congratulations. For all the differences Agent Romanov and I have, I’m happy for you both. You both deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks, doc,” he replies.

…

When they finally make it to the astronomy wing, Nat is almost buzzing with happiness.

“Stark still alive?”

Giving him a mock disdainful look, she replies, “As if Pepper Potts would ever let someone else kill him. She’s saving that for herself.”

“Hurt him good, though?”

Smirking, she nods.

After he’s through laughing, he says, “Uh, the doc asked me to see that you got this.”

He pulls out the necklace and is struck by how soft and truly vulnerable her eyes go when she takes it in.

“Help me put it on,” she quietly says.

He does.

She takes a deep breath.

Then, sitting down on the large, fluffy towel she’d brought, she tugs him down onto his knees. “Jarvis, please open the moon roof, turn off the lights, and make sure no one comes in here unless it’s an absolute emergency.”

“Yes, Agent Romanov.”

Moon and starlight fills the room.

Putting her hand on his cheek, Natasha tells him, “I want you to take everything,” her other hand goes to her necklace, “but this off me. Then, I want you to get to work and wait until I’m _begging_ before you take off your stuff.”

“I can handle that,” he assures her with a grin.

Returning it, she lies down, brings one of his hands to her mouth, and kisses it. Letting go, she nods and looks up at him with sparkling eyes.


End file.
